I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
