i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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