Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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