thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
