my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
