Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
