But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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