I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
