Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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