Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
