You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
