I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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