I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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