I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
