you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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