dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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