i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
