I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
