i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
