I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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