so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
