i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
