No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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