dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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