What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
