I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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