dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think I died a long time ago.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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