i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Randomize
