I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im holly from the hills drunk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
