I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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