better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
