The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
