think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
