Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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