You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
