Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
