why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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