I met the friendliest cop last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
