i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
