sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
