I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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