Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
