Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
