last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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