discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
high people should be assigned attendants
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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