This is the prime rib incident all over again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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