I faked an abortion last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
