I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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