You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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