we have pet lesbian snakes
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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