I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize