hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
