Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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