He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
