That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
