I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
