So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
