My hand turned me down
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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