the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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