So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
