Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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