I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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