Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
