So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
