Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
