i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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