good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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