If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
