I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
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