38 yer olds are good kisserssss
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.