your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.