i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize