and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How's work?
Spinning.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
