Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
