I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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