so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
