Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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