I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
