I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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