Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
