Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a burrito and a hug.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
