just tell him i said nine months
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
