I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
